Man spreading on my mind

A story about getting triggered and getting over it.

Hi, friend.

First up: it’s been a hot minute since I sent you an email. There are all sorts of places I could point the finger of blame, but the real truth is: I got intimidated out of putting my work out publicly for a while.

Here’s what happened.

I published something a while back that was meant to be silly. It was hyperbolic and over the top and helped me release a little pent up rage which statistics show is the main reason I write:

Pie chart concept created by @tangerinejones

I got some ‘feedback’ on that not-serious thing that triggered me six ways to Sunday. It was interpreted quite literally (*cough* incorrectly *cough*) by someone who was not the audience but assumed that he was The Audience.

The ‘feedback’ worked exactly as intended: I shrank. I considered all sorts melodramatic moves like removing myself from the internet entirely and Being Submissive And Serious All The Time So That I Don’t Unwittingly Provoke The Patriarchy Again Even Though The Whole Fucking Point Was That The Patriarchy Is The Reason I Mask My Rage with Hyperbole.

Luckily, I got some support from girlfriends and I moved on and got good and mad, because it wasn’t ‘feedback’ so much as it was digital man spreading and intimidation.

And then a friend talked about ladyspreading at her powerlifting gym and Taylor Swift dropped a video and they reminded me to take up space even if it’s the vanishingly small space of an email newsletter.

Screenshot from The Man by Taylor Swift

This is all to say, hi, hello, I’m back, and I plan to be writing more regularly.

In the meantime, some reads I’ve been enjoying lately:

• 25 words that are their own opposites, like dust: to dust can either be to apply or to remove small particles (dusting the crops vs. dusting the furniture). I have some thoughts about whether Bitch belongs on that list and maybe those ideas will show up in a future email, or more likely I’ll forget all about it.

• This may or may not affect your daily life, but I guarantee you’ll never be able to read Little Red Riding Hood to children again after you read this beautiful (long) essay about the cultural work done by men becoming wolves. Set aside some time, it’s worth the work.

• The angle on this article about how couples divide work at home is a little silly (the easiest way for the WSJ to work in some lifestyle content?) but it sparked some very productive conversations with my partner, and helped us close some communication loops to help our household run more smoothly.

• Who am I kidding? Our household is still chaos. Nonetheless, it was a good conversation starter.

• [TW: political content]. Here’s who I’ll be voting for in the primaries. What can I say, I’m a sucker for ruthless competence, effective leadership, and book smarts. [*insert passive aggressive shrug emoji here*]

• A showcase of some truly incredible athletes and the delicate dance of daring, loss, and survivor’s guilt in the mountains.

• Where, oh where, is the outrage in response to this article? Oh, right, we’d probably have to think women were people to get our hackles up about using unconscious women for “test drives”.